So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
