Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize