I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
