There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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