I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
