I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
