I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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