He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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