my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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