he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
