well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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