so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
