What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Enjoy the penises
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
