I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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