no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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