my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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