I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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