Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
