All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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