you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
