I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
