I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
