I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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