You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
