what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
