While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
