just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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