Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
