Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
