Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
