so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize