I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
3 2 1 whiskey
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
