Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
