I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
