How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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