If i come over, it means nothing
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
