I love black thongs
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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