I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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