he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
