he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize