I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
