One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
