C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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