can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
