dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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