I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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