I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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