Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
