did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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