I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
