So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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