I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
