In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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