I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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