why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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