Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
