is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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