3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
