where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
