Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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