She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
