My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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