if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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