i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
