The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The feeling are messing with the penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
