You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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