he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
