im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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