I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
