Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
