When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think your dad took our porno
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
