I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
