i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
