Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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