He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
