peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
