Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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