ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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